The other day, I was talking with one of my clients about (4 and 2, I’m responsible “for” my action “to” others) I was reminded of a story about my nine-year-old daughter who had a difficult homework assignment and was getting upset and frustrated. Gradually, her attitude not what it should have been. She wanted me to “help” her, but what she really wanted was for me to do it “for” her.
First, I told her that she had a choice. She could sit down and get in control of her reactions, stop whining, etc. or she could go to her room and think about it until she could. Those reactions were her problem to take responsibility “for,” not mine. Then, if she did that, I would help her, but not do her work or do her thinking “for” her. She was upset at first, but again, that is her problem, not mine. She tried to make it mine, saying “that’s mean,” or “this isn’t fair,” etc. but, I just told her that I would buy her a book on Boundaries if she was going to keep up with the 4 and 2, and that I was not going to rescue her. (just kidding)
The same is true for adults and their behaviors. If someone is addicted, for example, you are not responsible for the results or consequences of that addiction. Or other choices and behaviors that they do.
So, to rescue them from those choices and the consequences “is not” your responsibility either, and can often be destructive to you and their recovery and life.